Hours become days, days change to weeks, weeks add up to months and suddenly I am there, still alive and still living with cancer. What did happen to diagnoses and prognoses the experts gave me?
I have had many good and worth living for days in my life in recent years! I am a very happy grandma to two wonderful grandchildren. The girl is the Apple of my eyes and the centre of my universe, the boy is a source of joy and fun.
When things get taugh, I try to remember all those beloved ones and other humanes who lost their lives in wars, terrible acts of terrorism, famine, illnesses and never gained the chance to breath again, experience living fully or loving someone more than life! But unfortunately life has become more difficult as my battle with cancer discover new problems. I mean I am not geting younger and my cancer spreads to other parts. My 23 years of living with cancer have left many scars and the taugh treatments have not made it easier for my tired body to rest. Lungs, head, eye-sight, losing my balance, nerve injuries, difficulty to breath and not to mention that special tiredness makes life difficult to live.
I retired this month September 2018 but as I am only 63 years old, won’t receive all my supposed dues. It doesn’t make any difference that because of my poor health I am not able to work and also no one wishes to hire me. But I am still alive and if I make it to 65, then I would become a rich happy ritiree! At the moment I am discovering the new depth of my black whole and it doesn’t make it easy to breath. I try to make it through hours but unfortunately breathing has become difficult…don’t know because of eventual mets on my lungs or liquid in them.
I want to find myself back and gather happy memories, again. I want to meet my family , grandchildren, my sister and brothers and if miracles happen meet my mother for the last time and my darling friends. Oh sorry world peace, too! So sad to waste all this love I have to offer just through dying!
I wonder if this life of mine, is worth fighting for?